Category Archives: Thinking Out Loud

Log, Thinking Out Loud

Ding Dong Damn It

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The return of the self censor.

I got a little frustrated with something I was working on the other day and this gem slipped out of my mouth:

Ding Dong Damn It.

My dad happened to overhear me yell this and felt it necessary to inform me that it was a “Girl Curse”.

And I thought to myself…why?

Because it sounded cute? Because no man would be caught dead saying “ding dong”? Because I, a girl, said it?

If I’d said my usual curse would that have been a boy curse? (for those wondering my usual curse is Mother F***er God Damn It!!)

Look, I’m all for equality. Which means I’ll curse like a boy whenever I want. But I can’t control my brain when it decides, oh no this is the time to censor ourselves. I DIDN’T EVEN REALLY CENSOR MYSELF! I STILL SAID DAMN, DAMMIT!!

Anybut, just thought I’d share this.

Cause the other post I started writing (and left as a draft) was too much of a downer. Not that you’ll ever see it/I haven’t decided if I’ll ever post it.

Log, Thinking Out Loud

PB & Torture Part 2

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So I still haven’t found any cartoon that resembles the one from my previous post on this topic (check it out here if you missed it).

BUT I remembered another Got Milk? commercial that always kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

It’s a scene of a family in the hospital and the father tells his daughter to share a cookie with the man in another hospital bed. The man is in a full body cast.

The daughter goes over to the man and shoves a cookie in his mouth. He munches happily, but the family starts pouring milk in glasses and they don’t offer any to the full body cast guy.

He’s trying to get their attention and bouncing around, but they ignore him.

The ANIMALS!

How rude to give someone food and not offer a drink after!

—          —          —

Alright UPDATE: I just took a minute to look up the commercial with the hospital and got sucked down a rabbit hole of old Got Milk commercials and I have to get this off my chest.

The Oreo commercial was the best. I don’t know why, but it made me laugh…and scare my sleeping cat, but because of the laughter. Look it up. I don’t want to take anything away from its beauty.

Log, Thinking Out Loud

PB & Torture

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I have this very vivid memory of a cartoon character eating a peanut butter sandwich and another character with a glass of milk.

This other character refuses to give the first character the glass of milk unless the first character answers a question? Or does something for him? I can’t remember the details.

AND IT’S KILLING ME!!!

I REMEMBER this scene sooooo vividly, but I can’t find it!

This also reminded me of the old Got Milk? commercial with the guy enjoying his sandwich and then getting a phone call to win money with the correct answer to a question. But the caller can’t understand him because of the peanut butter sandwich in his mouth and he’s OUT OF MILK!!!*

* I did find this commercial and the guy was an Alexander Hamilton historian? Fan? Something, but the question was who shot Alexander Hamilton. The answer of course being Aaron Burr. (There’s a great remake of the commercial with Leslie Odom, Jr. who played Aaron Burr in the musical Hamilton. You should check it out)

Anybut, I bring this up A) because I’m sitting here eating peanut butter and B) those kinds of things always upset me as a kid. I always hated a character (whether good or even bad) making that pathetic sound. You know the awww sound that’s the pitch of a mewling kitten or whining puppy.

P.S. – If anyone knows what that cartoon scene is from…PLEASE RELEASE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!

 

Log, Thinking Out Loud

….?

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I don’t have a fun name for this mind vomit.

Insomnia runs in my family…I think…or it does starting with my mother and me…sure. Anybut, here I am at 1:28 am writing a nonsensical observation on insomnia.

It got me thinking about that article that came out some time ago (when, I have no idea, I didn’t really pay that much attention when said article came out). The article was about how people in olden times (this phrase was standing in for the actual time period the article mentioned, but as I wrote it I realized I won’t be doing research to find this article…so there) how people in olden times used to sleep for like fours hours, wake up in the middle of the night, do some chores or something else productive, and then go back to sleep until they woke up for the day.

What does this have to do with my insomnia? Nothing really, but I always think about that article. I wonder if my insomnia is due to my past life as an olden time person bleeding into my now life. Like the olden times person inside of me is wanting to only sleep four hours then do productive work, but unfortunately the present me would rather watch stupid videos on YouTube or binge watch the same shows over and over on Hulu or Netflix.

The opposing forces fighting inside making it impossible for me to sleep. Causing my insomnia.

…Or maybe it’s my anxiety. Yeah, that sounds more correct.

Log, Thinking Out Loud

Coconut…Cocoanut?

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I got a recipe box for Christmas with brand new recipe cards and I took some time during a rainy day to start filling it/copy down the recipes in my grandmother’s old recipe box.

Before I continue I need to make one thing very clear…I’m not a cook. I’m not a baker. I’ve only made food three times for my friends total…and that was mostly because of guilt for always bringing cheese plates or fruit trays to parties. I’ve helped my friends cook, but I need them to walk me through every step. I didn’t even know how to properly cut up a bell pepper (apparently there’s a specific way to do it?!).

Now, continuing the story:

While I was working on my…30th card the word coconut had been coming up a lot. Now some of these cards I was copying from are OLD. I mean 40+ years old. Anyways, I noticed coconut occasionally was spelled cocoAnut.

This got my stupid brain thinking, a dangerous thing to happen. I called my mom and asked her, “Do they call coconuts, coconuts because when they discovered them, people thought they were like cocoa beans, but clearly a nut so they called them cocoanuts?”

She paused. Sighed, you know the sigh. It’s the Am I really having this conversation right now? sigh. Then she answered, not very enthusiastically I might add, “I don’t know. I wasn’t there when they decided that.”

Fair. But then why do people constantly misspell it cocoanut?

And before any of you get smart with me and try to explain the linguistics mumbo-jumbo, realize it won’t work. I’ve created this version of history in my head where the first explorers or whoever found a palm tree and thought “Wow! Look at the size of that cocoa bean! We could make sooooo much chocolate out of that sucker!” Then when they cracked it open to see the white coconut flesh inside and got soaked from the coconut milk they deflated and were really disappointed and sad. I mean could you imagine a cocoa bean the size of a coconut? That would be the best chocolate ever…

Log, Thinking Out Loud

Fart Knuckle

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Do you ever censor yourself? There’s no real need to, but for some reason you catch yourself and choose not to say one of the many words society shudders?

The “clutch-your-pearls” words, if you will?

I think one of my favorites that I use is “fart knuckle”. I mean, what the hell is a fart knuckle? Is it someone punching a fart? Is it farting on your knuckle before punching someone? I DON’T KNOW!

But I love saying it instead of the dreaded F-word.

The other thing I love about my own censorship is I can’t really tell you some of the other ones. They happen naturally. Though I do remember tending to say son of a >insert random noun<. For example son of a Rasputin. Why Rasputin? WHO KNOWS!

Of course, I’m not saying I don’t partake in the good ol’ swear off now and then, but sometimes my brain decides we’re going to be family friendly and the strangest thing pops out of my mouth.

Like fart knuckle.