Tag Archives: personal

I’m Bad at This

290th post.

I’ve always been bad at keeping up with things. I’d hoped this site would be different. But once again I’ve proven that I can’t be consistent.

Does this mean I’m giving up on this blog?

No.

I was able to post something every day for 138 days last year. Can I ever accomplish such a feat AGAIN?!

Probably.

But not right now. With everything going on in the world, in my life, and just overall…I really had nothing to post.

Some people are finding this troubling time is making it easier for them to be productive/able to do things they normally wouldn’t have time for…

Honestly, good for them. I’m glad so many unique things are happening for others.

For me…this whole thing has made me realize my own fears. My fears of being successful that prevent me from striving for more or what everyone keeps telling me I deserve. My fears of failure that prevent me from even trying new and terrifying things. My fears of imposter syndrome that convince me if I never strive for more then I can’t let people down.

I’m trapped with the person I hate in this world the most. Me. Not all of me. Just the part where all the fears live.

She’s a real bitch.

I know this is a selfish post. People are sick. People are dying. People are terrorizing each other. People are struggling through all of this with no homes. No families to help them.

And here I am. Watching it happen and not knowing what to do.

Nothing will ever be the same.

Gonna Get Real

I’m an introvert.

I spend a lot of time at home. I don’t like going out, really.

But I do go out to work. To get money so I can continue to have the introvert time…

And while the joke going around is that introverts are in heaven right now…..I’m not.

Due to the nature of my (personal situation) theater work, I have difficulty finding a “real” job to cover the time I’m not working.

There was already rumblings about next season being the make it or break it season for the theater company I work for…leaning heavily on the break it.

There is a high possibility…I won’t have a theater job to come back to…

This is a hard day. Guilt. Anxiety. They’re getting bored with the quarantine and are taking it out on me.

All I can do…is distract myself during the day…for the rest of this pandemic.

But even the distractions are starting to become…less distracting.

Anybut, I just needed to get this off my chest. Sometimes writing it out…purges it from my system. At the very least, this will free me up for a couple more days.

Stay safe everyone. Talk to those you love.

And for the love of all that is still good in this world…be smart and remember we’re all in this together. One way or another.

Struggle Day

I wish this was a fun post…

But it’s not. I wanted to post more things yesterday, but I…had a struggle day.

Struggle Days are when the thoughts in my head I’m usually able to brush off seem to be on repeat even louder than normal.

Struggle Days are when I feel alone even though I know my friends are a phone call away.

Struggle Days are when every negative thing on the news makes it feel like there’s no hope for the world.

Struggle Days make it hard to concentrate on the things I love to do.

I had a struggle day.

And I wish I could’ve post more yesterday.

I’m okay, though. And I will post something else today.

 

Alma Mater Drama

Warning: this post is serious…

I’m feeling less and less proud of my alma mater.

FULL DISCLOSURE!!!!

I went to a smaller, private university. In Orange, California…in one of the Red districts of Southern California.

As a Democratic-leaning Independent…it was a little uncomfortable. However, I was a Theater Major…therefore surrounded by much more like-minded individuals. I interacted with plenty of conservatives and got along with many. But it was always obvious the political leanings of the University OVERALL.

Why am I bringing this up?

Well, my alma mater is starting a new Center for Freedom of Expression and Media Integrity. Focus on that last bit for the rest of this post.

As with most things, there will be an inaugural event. The Dean of the School of Communications who will also be the Center for Freedom of Expression and Media Integrity’s Founding Executive Director has invited 2 speakers to the event, both former Press Secretaries for Presidential Administrations.

I’m sure you may be seeing where this is going. One of the speakers is Roberts Gibbs former White House Press Secretary of the Obama Administration. Okay.

The second speaker is former White House Press Secretary of the Trump Administration…Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

Let’s review the title: Center for the Freedom of Expression and MEDIA INTEGRITY.

Now, this led to a former student (an alumni) sending a concerned email to the Dean of the School of Communications who will be the Founding Executive Director. I will post the student’s email. The Dean’s response. And the student’s response to the response. I will be blocking out names for the sake of anonymity. Though I will leave the name of my Alma Mater in because I think it should be known.

Alumni’s email:

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Dean’s response:

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Alumni’s response:

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I could state my opinions on the matter. I could argue against the school’s decision to invite a highly controversial figure…but my alma mater has already done it before.

They invited Ben Shapiro to speak in a closed door, paid invite only discussion with business students…a small number of business students who had to pay a LOT to listen to him speak and NOT ask questions.

They invited Norman Finkelstein (twice) a man who has spoken negatively Jews and claims they use the Holocaust for political and financial gain.

They invited former President George W. Bush. Need I say more?

Anybut, the bottom line is, I accept my alma mater is highly conservative. I accept I will not agree with many people they invite to speak.

However, I do not accept the response of a faculty member to a former student where she degrades the student. Degrades the student’s intelligence. Degrades the students right to argue the credibility of a speaker who has been proven time and time again to be willing to lie and call the free press “enemy of the people”.

That is where I draw the line.

 

THE DEED IS DONE!!!

The tooth is in…

I AM WHOLE AGAIN!!!

BEWARE WORLD FOR MY FULL MOUTH OF TEETH AND STARVING STOMACH!!!

But seriously, the veneer is in, I can smile fully again…and I don’t have to go back to the dentist for 6 months (except to pick up my night guard but that’s just a pop in and pick up).

I’M FREE!!!!

Tomorrow is the Day

I go back to the dentist tomorrow…

It’s time to get my new tooth. The chipped tooth which has become a baby tooth will soon grow up into a brand new adult tooth…

Hopefully. Who knows. I may go in and the tooth won’t fit. But I’m positive it will. Then after that I get a mold of my brand new set of teeth so I can get a night guard to protect my teeth from grinding while I sleep.

Anybut, once that’s all done…..I GET ICE CREAM!!! YAY!!! I’ve been waiting for WEEKS to eat ice cream again!!

TOMORROW IS THE DAY!!!

Dentist Update

My jaw hurts…

But not from work being done, just from holding my mouth open for so long.

I had 2 appointments over the past 2 weeks. Why?

I’m not ashamed. I had to get deep cleaning cause I’m not good at flossing. I’ve never been good at it, but I’m making a…drawing a line in the sand. I’m going to do better.

Oh, and I also, mainly, had to get the deep clean before I can get my chipped tooth fixed. Don’t want it rotting underneath the…why is the word vinyl in my head? That’s reallllly not the right word. Varnish? Nope, definitely not the right word.

VENEER!!! There it is (ironically there was a poster with this word next to me in the office the whole time I was in my appointment).

ANYbut, I got the chipped tooth grind down and they took a mold of my teeth. Now we wait 2 weeks for the tooth to get made (they don’t make them in-house) and then I’ll get another mold so I can get a night guard to stop me from grinding my teeth. Which was why my tooth chipped in the first place.

So, yeah, that’s my dentist update for the past 2 weeks.

Baby Steps

I finally did something…

I’ve been meaning to do for years. I submitted writing to a few different places (for like competitions or general posting things).

There’s no real chance any of it will go anywhere or get picked for anything, but it’s one of those things I’ve been scared to do. It’s one of those things that I’ve wanted to do, but never felt confident to do it.

Now I think what’s the harm? They say no? Fine. Won’t stop me from trying again.

Anybut, it’s time to step out of the bubble…with baby steps.

Gorgeous

Felt cute, might delete later…

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Should this be the time I get into the ridiculousness of being afraid to post ugly pictures?

Nah.

But here’s one I took and couldn’t get over how thick my glasses are. I mean look at that right eye (my right eye, not the eye on the right)! It’s like a poorly photoshopped attempt to make my face look thinner, but I forgot to do the rest of my face!

Anybut….I’m not embarrassed to post the ugly pictures.

And yes, that is a zit on my face. Guess what? They never stop coming! Okay, maybe for some people they do…but don’t be surprised if you still get those little puckers well into your 30s!! (Especially if you’re like me and get stressed easily…they love stress)

Performance #8

Our only Thursday show…

Today was a one time performance at 7:30 pm instead of the usual evening performance at 8pm.

Nobody was late, everyone remembered there was a show today, and our audience was the best Thursday numbers we’ve ever had since I’ve been working here.

I haven’t really been talking about the audience numbers on these, but they’ve been the best numbers for any of our shows…….

But that probably has to do with the fact the show is Shrek the Musical….kids love Shrek….parents love bringing their kids to see Shrek….

Anybut, the big reveal! Kind of….not really.

Tomorrow, back to 8pm performance.