Category Archives: It Just Got Personal

Gonna Get Real

I’m an introvert.

I spend a lot of time at home. I don’t like going out, really.

But I do go out to work. To get money so I can continue to have the introvert time…

And while the joke going around is that introverts are in heaven right now…..I’m not.

Due to the nature of my (personal situation) theater work, I have difficulty finding a “real” job to cover the time I’m not working.

There was already rumblings about next season being the make it or break it season for the theater company I work for…leaning heavily on the break it.

There is a high possibility…I won’t have a theater job to come back to…

This is a hard day. Guilt. Anxiety. They’re getting bored with the quarantine and are taking it out on me.

All I can do…is distract myself during the day…for the rest of this pandemic.

But even the distractions are starting to become…less distracting.

Anybut, I just needed to get this off my chest. Sometimes writing it out…purges it from my system. At the very least, this will free me up for a couple more days.

Stay safe everyone. Talk to those you love.

And for the love of all that is still good in this world…be smart and remember we’re all in this together. One way or another.

MIA

I apologize for being MIA…. even more so than usual.

A very large thing has happened in my personal life that is taking all of my attention and emotional support to get through.

It’s not something that explicitly happened to ME but a very dear, close friend. And nothing is more import to me than my family and my friends.

I will still post random news on Saturday. But until this thing is calmed down… I will be even more sporadic in posting.

BUT!! I WILL still be posting. And hopefully this thing will be calmed down soon.

Cuz rehearsals for my next show start in less than 2 weeks…..and then I’m on a cruise ship/writer’s conference.

Anybut, I guess this has been a random update.

Not Just Stealing Packages…

This is a warning…

As everyone is aware, every holiday season there are folks who take advantage of those who order a lot from online. Especially around the holidays when those who don’t order a lot suddenly do.

Anybut, thieves love this time of year. Most people still have to work and don’t get home until evening. So packages tend to sit on doorsteps all day. Thieves drive up and down neighborhood streets to find these packages. They run up tot he door, nab the packages and drive off.

Well…that’s not the ONLY crime happening now.

Most people who are expecting packages to be delivered tend to have their guards down when someone knocks on the door. They think, “Oh! That’s probably that package I’ve been waiting for!”

BUT HERE IS A WARNING!! And I’ll tell you based on something that happened to me this past Tuesday:

I was on my computer upstairs. Just messing around. Somebody pounds, not knocks, POUNDS on the front door.

I initially think…do I have a package scheduled to arrive today?

The person pounds again. I go downstairs and, because I was alone, peeked through the peep hole.

I see a guy. No package in hand. He’s wearing a hoodie with the hood up. He’s kind of hanging out as though trying to avoid the sightline of the peephole and kept his face turned away from the door.

IMMEDIATE RED FLAGS!!

I stand there, staring out the peephole, not saying anything and watch him…ready to run upstairs to get my phone if needed.

He shifts his weight a bit and then storms off. I wait a few minutes to make sure he’s gone. Then I go back upstairs and keep my phone close. Some time later I go downstairs and turn on a lot of lights and even the TV to give the impression there’s more than one person in the house.

Today, the Thursday after this happened. A neighbor asked if we saw the criminal (thier words, not mine) walking around the neighborhood. Apparently this person (who I guess was also wearing a mask? I couldn’t see his face so I can’t confirm this) was going to every house and knocking on the door.

This person wasn’t out trying to steal packages. Package thieves DO NOT KNOCK! This person was looking for something else. It could’ve been someone easy to overpower and rob from, it could’ve been someone scoping out houses to see which ones were empty, or it could’ve even been somebody looking to nab someone.

I’ll never know. But I do know that I’ve learned a lot living alone. And when you feel like something is weird or giving you red flags…you listen to that feeling. If you’re wrong, no harm no foul.

So please, please, PLEASE!!! Be careful this holiday season. There are some real bad people wandering around.

Struggle Day

I wish this was a fun post…

But it’s not. I wanted to post more things yesterday, but I…had a struggle day.

Struggle Days are when the thoughts in my head I’m usually able to brush off seem to be on repeat even louder than normal.

Struggle Days are when I feel alone even though I know my friends are a phone call away.

Struggle Days are when every negative thing on the news makes it feel like there’s no hope for the world.

Struggle Days make it hard to concentrate on the things I love to do.

I had a struggle day.

And I wish I could’ve post more yesterday.

I’m okay, though. And I will post something else today.

 

Alma Mater Drama

Warning: this post is serious…

I’m feeling less and less proud of my alma mater.

FULL DISCLOSURE!!!!

I went to a smaller, private university. In Orange, California…in one of the Red districts of Southern California.

As a Democratic-leaning Independent…it was a little uncomfortable. However, I was a Theater Major…therefore surrounded by much more like-minded individuals. I interacted with plenty of conservatives and got along with many. But it was always obvious the political leanings of the University OVERALL.

Why am I bringing this up?

Well, my alma mater is starting a new Center for Freedom of Expression and Media Integrity. Focus on that last bit for the rest of this post.

As with most things, there will be an inaugural event. The Dean of the School of Communications who will also be the Center for Freedom of Expression and Media Integrity’s Founding Executive Director has invited 2 speakers to the event, both former Press Secretaries for Presidential Administrations.

I’m sure you may be seeing where this is going. One of the speakers is Roberts Gibbs former White House Press Secretary of the Obama Administration. Okay.

The second speaker is former White House Press Secretary of the Trump Administration…Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

Let’s review the title: Center for the Freedom of Expression and MEDIA INTEGRITY.

Now, this led to a former student (an alumni) sending a concerned email to the Dean of the School of Communications who will be the Founding Executive Director. I will post the student’s email. The Dean’s response. And the student’s response to the response. I will be blocking out names for the sake of anonymity. Though I will leave the name of my Alma Mater in because I think it should be known.

Alumni’s email:

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Dean’s response:

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Alumni’s response:

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I could state my opinions on the matter. I could argue against the school’s decision to invite a highly controversial figure…but my alma mater has already done it before.

They invited Ben Shapiro to speak in a closed door, paid invite only discussion with business students…a small number of business students who had to pay a LOT to listen to him speak and NOT ask questions.

They invited Norman Finkelstein (twice) a man who has spoken negatively Jews and claims they use the Holocaust for political and financial gain.

They invited former President George W. Bush. Need I say more?

Anybut, the bottom line is, I accept my alma mater is highly conservative. I accept I will not agree with many people they invite to speak.

However, I do not accept the response of a faculty member to a former student where she degrades the student. Degrades the student’s intelligence. Degrades the students right to argue the credibility of a speaker who has been proven time and time again to be willing to lie and call the free press “enemy of the people”.

That is where I draw the line.

 

Dentist Update

My jaw hurts…

But not from work being done, just from holding my mouth open for so long.

I had 2 appointments over the past 2 weeks. Why?

I’m not ashamed. I had to get deep cleaning cause I’m not good at flossing. I’ve never been good at it, but I’m making a…drawing a line in the sand. I’m going to do better.

Oh, and I also, mainly, had to get the deep clean before I can get my chipped tooth fixed. Don’t want it rotting underneath the…why is the word vinyl in my head? That’s reallllly not the right word. Varnish? Nope, definitely not the right word.

VENEER!!! There it is (ironically there was a poster with this word next to me in the office the whole time I was in my appointment).

ANYbut, I got the chipped tooth grind down and they took a mold of my teeth. Now we wait 2 weeks for the tooth to get made (they don’t make them in-house) and then I’ll get another mold so I can get a night guard to stop me from grinding my teeth. Which was why my tooth chipped in the first place.

So, yeah, that’s my dentist update for the past 2 weeks.

Gorgeous

Felt cute, might delete later…

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Should this be the time I get into the ridiculousness of being afraid to post ugly pictures?

Nah.

But here’s one I took and couldn’t get over how thick my glasses are. I mean look at that right eye (my right eye, not the eye on the right)! It’s like a poorly photoshopped attempt to make my face look thinner, but I forgot to do the rest of my face!

Anybut….I’m not embarrassed to post the ugly pictures.

And yes, that is a zit on my face. Guess what? They never stop coming! Okay, maybe for some people they do…but don’t be surprised if you still get those little puckers well into your 30s!! (Especially if you’re like me and get stressed easily…they love stress)

Workloads

I think we need to have a discussion on workloads.

Now, perhaps I’m not the best person to discuss this, but I’ve been witness to so much lately I think it’s time to talk about it.

Many in the older generations like to say the younger generation (and I could go OFF on how annoying it is they lump ALL younger generations together when they say this, but I won’t. This is about workloads) is lazy and doesn’t understand true hard work and blah blah blah…

But here’s something they tend to not consider…just because a generation has moved out of the office doesn’t mean they’re working any less. In fact, BECAUSE they’ve moved out of the office…sorry, not sorry, workload has gone through the roof.

Why? Because jobs treated as unconventional aren’t protected. Most don’t have unions that ensure employees are given proper safety nets. And this leads to overloading workloads.

With minimal pay, or even good pay, but tweaked hours to make it as though the pay weren’t so good. OR tweaked hours to prevent benefits from having to be given out.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I’ve witnessed friends or people I’ve worked with just get swamped. And I mean, 60+ hours a week, swamped. Not to mention any other work they do like side jobs or familial responsibilities. And they are being worn and torn down.

The other thing younger generations are struggling with is the mentality of replaceability. We’re told over and over by different employers or companies that if we won’t do the job they’ll find someone who will so we get it in our mindset that we can’t bring up ANY complaints.

NOT EVERYONE OF COURSE!!! SHUT YOUR MOUTH JANET!!

But there are times when it should be obvious you can’t have people work this way…but then you have to remember that’s not what they care about. Results. They always care about results, not how they get to the results.

There’s this strange inability to lay down boundaries for ourselves. And with the growing difficulty of costs of living increasing as wages stay the same, we become trapped in the mindset of “You can’t risk losing this job, you can’t afford to live without it.”

Then we get injured or sick from overworking. From over performing without added benefits or employers forcing you to just tweak the actual hours you worked. Which then leads to missed work days, which leads to added workloads to recover the lost time. Which leads to more illness and injury.

Eventually, the tipping point is reached and a blow out happens.

And unfortunately, it’s the overworked employee who is given the death blow. Fired or gently nudged towards quitting. And the employer hires a new, fresh face to start the cycle over.

Sorry for such a downer post. I’ll try something more positive next time.

 

College Love…Nah.

I thought about somebody I haven’t thought about in over 6 years.

My college career was average. Normal. But one odd thing kept happening.

Now, there were a few GE programs I was required to fulfill. This meant a short list of classes to choose from to fulfill these requirements.

Almost every single class I chose to take…there was another student (I’ll call him Jack though that is obviously not his name) who took them, too. And I mean, every single class except for 2 (yes, I know that means not ACTUALLY every single class, but cut me some slack here. I’m being dramatic for storytelling sake).

Anybut, Jack noticed this pattern, too….I think….I mean he always went out of his way to sit next to me because he recognized me from the other numerous classes we took together.

Now I was a Theater Major. Jack was a Business Major. We should never have crossed paths. But we kept picking the same GE classes, as in we kept picking classes that we wanted to take, had interests in taking.

I hope you see where this is going.

Needless to say….I got a crush on this guy, Jack.

He was sweet. He was funny. He liked hearing about my theater classes. And he ACTIVELY sat next to me in these classes. If you read any of my other posts I hope you’ve been able to grasp the fact that I am the most awkward, shy, weirdo ever to be allowed to grow to an adult age. I don’t actively do anything. My preference is to sit in the back so nobody will talk to me….but he always found me and sat next to me.

“You’re reading too much into it. Of course he sat next to you if he remembered you from other classes. Humans are attracted (not in the romantic way) to familiarity. You were familiar therefore he felt more comfortable sitting next to you.”

Okay. Maybe.

BUT! Does that explain this thing that happened:

Context: I was a theater major. Duh. But there was also the student group within the theater department and my senior year the group wanted to do more across the campus activities to promote the theater department or promote other things.

One of these things was a campaign against smoking…cliche I know. Anybut, we created large cigarettes that we would carry around to our classes and if people asked us about the eye sores we had scritps to recite back to them in an attempt to educate on cancer, life expectancy, and other smoking facts. Then we would ask them to sign the cigarette with a kind of declaration of dedication to not start smoking or cut down on their smoking.

I carried that stupid cigarette all day. The only person who ever asked about it was Jack. I did the stupid little spiel. I asked if he wanted to sign his intention to never smoke. He to my surprise, agreed. When I got my cigarette back…he’d also written his phone number.

Yes. His phone number.

Here comes the heartbreaker. This happened my senior year. It was also this year in the very class this incident happened in…..that I found out he was married. He’d been married for almost 2 years…his wife was still back where he was from, planning to move out here to California at the end of the year.

This may be needless to say, but I’m going to say this twice. After finding out this information: I immediately turned off. ONCE I FOUND OUT HE WAS MARRIED I IMMEDIATELY TURNED OFF. What does that mean? It means any feelings I felt for him were shoved down beneath so many layers of reality there was no more flirting and there was very little casual talk outside of those required for class.

Is this an overreaction? Maybe. But quite frankly, there was no way I was going to continue anything with a married man who actively gave me his phone number and not in a “we’re in a group project” way. Maybe we could’ve been friends. Maybe we could’ve been friendly without any inference of romantic feelings…but there was also the possibility we couldn’t do any of those things.

Though I did keep that cigarette in the back of my closet for several years. I mean he was really cute….but I’m not going to be that girl.

I threw that cigarette away two years after that event. I never put the number in my phone. I never wrote it down anywhere else. I never considered calling it.

I kept it as a reminder of that guy in college I had a class with every semester. And that I let him go.

And though I’ve been calling him Jack to protect his anonymity….it’s honestly because I don’t remember his name anymore. I don’t even know what triggered the sudden memory of him. I haven’t thought about him since I threw away that cigarette 6 years ago.