Tag Archives: thoughts

She rises from the depths….

Vampire Rising From Coffin GIFs | Tenor

It may be cliche…..It may have been done before….especially on this site….but I rise from the depths of the pit I’ve been skulking around in for the past….

Well, maybe we don’t count the days…….

………Okay, 16 months, 12 days, and whatever hours, minutes, and seconds….as of the writing of this post.

Surely, I was busy with so many amazing things. Surely, I wasn’t just staring at my computer screen contemplating what has become of and will become of existence and the world and the universe and everything.

Surely, not….

……….Okay, maybe not mostly that. But I was working. I was DOING things.

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I worked on my first theater production after two years of being dark (closed in theater terms). Disney’s Newsies, if you were curious. It was amazing and weird being back doing what I love.

Amazing to be back doing theater….but weird because we had to wear masks every day and take Covid tests multiple times a week. We even had a couple actors and our choreographer test positive during the rehearsals, but luckily we were able to make it through without a wave of positive tests moving through the cast and crew.

We made it through our three weeks of performances and it was amazing. The cast was amazing, the crew was amazing, and it was amazing to be working.

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And that was the last show the theater company planned for the year…hooray.

I worked on my writing and am still working on my third book…the rush of creativity and excitement at being published quickly wore off as I realized my theater career was, essentially, over (more on this in a moment). Thank the gods my publisher is very patient and forgiving and is giving me the time I need to get back into my writing zone…for now.

Surprisingly, it’s very hard to write a fantasy book when your real life feels like it’s tumbling down all around you and there’s nothing you can do about it because you tried to be loyal to a company you truly believed in and turned down other opportunities to be fully available and then the company you tried to be loyal to cancels the rest of their season.

It’s also weird because this is the second theater company I’ve been apart of, put a lot of my time and energy into…and now it’s gone. Well, it’s not ACTUALLY gone…it’s just not doing any shows…and there are rumors it may be bought by another theater company I’ve done a little work with but will probably not want to hire me for future shows cause they don’t KNOW me, but that’s a whole other rabbit hole to go down at another time.

Enough of this. Let’s talk about something positive………

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I tested positive for Covid-19 on Tuesday, September 6th, 2022. That’s right, the RONA got me!! I’m actually surprised it took this long. Really, I had symptoms beginning Sunday, September 4th but I was in denial…and out of state.

Full disclosure. I was in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma from September 1-5 for a writer’s conference. Now, I can neither confirm nor deny, prove or disprove whether I went to the conference ALREADY infected or if I was infected AT the conference….or on the plane TO the conference…but it doesn’t matter now. I wore my mask on the planes like a good little girl and made the choice to take it off AT the conference.

Though it didn’t help to have my flight from Phoenix, AZ to Cali cancelled at 8pm at night and having to spend a surprise evening in Phoenix until the next available flight home the following day at 3pm. Fun fact, the reason the flight was cancelled was because the airport we were planning on flying into has a curfew…and our plane was delayed two hours….past the curfew…so they cancelled it…cool.

Anybut, the point is I’m no longer a Covid ninja, a Covid avoider, a lucky bitch who managed to avoid the virus by sheer stubbornness to ever take my mask off and wash my hands after someone even LOOKS at them.

My fever didn’t break until Friday, I still have a nasty cough that won’t leave me alone, and once my fever broke I lost my taste. Which losing taste is the strangest ting of all. I didn’t even realize it had happened until I took the first bite of my favorite meal and the realization that I couldn’t taste it slowly dawned on me.

I’m vaccinated and have one booster. So it could’ve been worse and I’m thankful my symptoms weren’t worse or that I ended up in the hospital.

I’m also EXTREMELY thankful it happened now and not in a few weeks.

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Remember how I talked about my theater job essentially being…over? Well, I guess my notorious indifferent luck decided it would do me a solid and I received a message from one of my close friends. They wanted to call me.

Now, this is a frightening message to an introvert like me. Call? Like talking on the phone? Why can’t we text? I didn’t have as many of my crazy thoughts as I usually do when someone asks to talk on the phone, mostly because I know my friend KNOWS I’m not a phone talker. So I, more quickly than normal, say hell yeah.

We talk and she offers me a job on a show for the Holiday season. A show with a Stage Manager who I had just finished working with on Newsies.

So of course I say, Hell Yeah! Okay, not those words cause it was technically a professional call so I was a lot more appropriate even though I know my friend wouldn’t have cared if I said hell yeah, but I am a professional and she’s a professional and we….are…PROFESSIONAL!

Luckily, the show doesn’t begin rehearsals until end of October which gives me plenty of time to clear out the Covid coursing through my body and lord knows the mask will never leave my face again…in public. Cause in theater world you’re basically out for a week and for rehearsals…that’s a lot of missed work that is very difficult to catch back up on.

I’m excited to be given the opportunity to work on a show. I know how difficult it becomes to get work in this industry when those who were your links into the industry no longer participate in the industry…or are no longer with us. But I’m not ready to discuss that latter part. Maybe I will be someday…but not today.

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Wow, that was a lot and yet not everything but I know no one wants to read anything this long let alone longer. I’m sure I’ll find time to discuss the other things that happened since my last…check in? post? glimpse behind the curtain?

Does this mean I’m back for a consistent posting schedule. No. But I will do my best to maybe check in every now and then…especially with some interesting ideas rattling around in my brain.

I for sure want to talk about the writers conference I went to because I think it’s interesting and I’m sure other folks would think it’s interesting, too. Especially if there are any aspiring writers out there. So, I guess, if you’re interested, keep an eye out for that? Though I’m not sure when that will materialize.

If you’ve made it this far…thank you. I had so many plans for this blog when I started it. I had so many ideas. Depression is a hell of a thing. Don’t recommend it personally. But I’m also not ready to talk about that today.

Thank you for reading.

OH! I also am still on Twitch. If you’re interested. My channel is Twitch.tv/luddiewig

Many Me’s

Does anyone else, when they’re being relatively successful or have their hands in multiple projects, ever feel like…

I’m not sure how to explain this without sounding a little weird…but when has that ever really stopped me?

I’ve got a lot of things going on, one not presently active due to the current pandemic, and I feel like…they’re all happening to other versions of me…

Like I said, I sound weird. But I mean, they say everyone has multiple personalities that they put on depending on who they’re around. Not to be confused with DID, which is an actual disorder, I’m not talking about having other people inside of me.

I just mean, I feel disconnected (not dissociative) from all these separate parts of my life.

My theater work feels light years away from my writing work, which feels light years away from the YouTube channels I work on, which feels light years away from my social life…what little there is.

Do other people feel like this?

Am I alone in feeling like this?

Should I be talking to a psychiatrist about this? Who am I kidding…I can’t afford a psychiatrist.

I miss the music

March 1st was the last time I worked in the theater. And I’m going to get a little serious here, for a minute.

I miss the music. I miss my friend(s). No need to ask me. What I prefer. I choose the music.

Any Curtains fans reading? Anyone? For those not in the know…Curtains a musical. I made a musical reference in my serious post.

Anybut, I wish there was something that can be done. I wish there was some magic spell all the artists who are out of work could cast…pun intended.

Cause I guarantee, every artist is doing what needs to be done…but a small majority seems unable to put aside politics and their own egos to buck up, do what needs to be done, so we can ALL get back to work.

But that’s just my opinion…

>vomitting at the cliche line I typed<

And to add to this serious post:

Perhaps when we all get back to work, we can accept the truth that there is no reason casting has to be so…lacking in diversity. Historical accuracy be damned. If someone fits the role, they FIT THE ROLE! If we can suspend belief to accept people randomly breaking out into song and dance, I think we’re ready (and long overdue) to suspend our belief in other things as well.

Personality Flaw?

What does it say about me that I have a much larger panic attack when someone asks me to make a decision versus someone giving me constructive criticism?

I mean, the latter is literally someone taking something I’ve been working on for almost 10 years and giving it the middle school english teacher treatment…you know…the red pen of editing death!

Overdramatic, I know.

HOWEVER! That doesn’t send the shock of terror and embarrassment up my spine as much as someone asking for my opinion and to make a decision.

WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT IS THIS ODDITY?!

Anybut…I’m procrastinating right now.

………..After procrastinating from the site for 2 weeks…gow, my procrastination needs a little work.

Hypocrisy of My Social Media

I am a millennial. I am a connoisseur of the social medias.

But I am awful at communication. Having conversations with people gives me panic attacks.

I literally won’t respond to someone after a few minutes pass because I feel like it’s been too long and if I respond then it will be annoying to the other person and I don’t want to bother them.

HOWEVER! I get upset when things I post on the social medias get no responses.

HYPOCRISY! I KNOW!

I understand those who are successful are that way because they build communities and that requires being responsive to said community.

But at the same time that also leads to communities being overly close to the person they follow without ever truly knowing them. This is what leads to the toxic communities that feel the need to defend the one they’re fans of from others in (sometimes) very dangerous ways.

But maybe I’m overthinking everything….like I always do…

Anybut, that’s my hypocrisy with social media…specifically my own.

MUST RESIST!!!

I’m fighting my urge to just buy EVERYTHING online!

Nintendo Switch, five foot cat tree, OFFICE SUPPLIES!!! And other things I won’t list here.

But at the same time….My place of employment, the theater I work for…….they’re shuttered until, at the earliest, next year. 2021!!!

So yeah, the country may be trying to open back up….feelings….but even if everything went 100% smoothly, I’m out of work until next year. I am looking at possible work options that hopefully pan out, but no guarantees…

BUT FIRST!!! SAY NO TO A SWITCH!!!

Nerdy Moment

I apologize for this, but I don’t know where else to talk about this…so, here goes.

Recently…four days ago, I completed Final Fantasy VII the Remake. I mean, I got the platinum trophy for the game (if you own a Playstation you know what that means).

Anybut, that’s not the main focus of this post. It’s a segue into the main focus.

I’ve forgotten how much the story of Final Fantasy VII (the original 1997 release) influenced me as a writer. It was the first video game I played that had such a deep story that actually got me not only invested in the characters, but ripped my heart out with its twists and turns.

TRUE!! You could argue it got a little bogged down going through every character’s back story….BUT!! A number of those characters were technically optional so you didn’t have to follow through on their stories….BUT WHY WOULDN’T YOU?!

The characters above all else were the most important part of the game! And you had NINE to choose from! And they were all fleshed out in such a skilled way, you fell in love with all of them!

AND THE STORY!!

Now to be fair, when I first played the game I didn’t really know what was going on…but playing through it again…and again…and again, I LOVE the story. It’s one of my favorites of all time!

And with the Remake, I feel like I’m reliving it with additional bonuses since they can now flesh out even more characters to make bigger impacts (even if they did choose to change some of the events slightly)!

I’ve played many of the other Final Fantasy games, but VII will always be the one that truly showed me that characters are just as, if not more, important than the story. IX gave me similar vibes, but something about VII just resonated more with me.

Enough of this talk…for now…just needed to get this off my chest.

 

ALSO!!! I haven’t even talked about the MUSIC!! GAAHH!!!

Brain Activity

I was trying to be very good last night…

I was going to bed before 1 in the morning. I had started driftin off when my brain decided, “Hey! Remember that thing you’ve been trying to do for days? I’m ready now!”

Some people would ignore this and continue into dreamland…but I knew if I did that…I would forget everything.

So I got up, turned on my computer and did some late night work. My cat joined me for a bit…more out of annoyed confusion as to why I was still awake…and I got it all done.

Hooray! And it only took me until 3 in the morning…yaaaay…

Anybut, one thing off my list before the end of the year.

Snowy Mountain…Snowy Mountain

Anybody else read that title like “Can-dy Moun-tain. Can-dy Moun-tain”…like the unicorns from that old Charlie the unicorn video? Just me? Okay.

Anybut, the good thing about the rainy days in Southern California:

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SNOWY MOUNTAINS!!!

The closest I get to snow every year.

Here’s another:

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Not as pretty color wise, but a little clearer.

YAY!!

But it did rain again after I took these pictures and got chilly so….boo.

Thought this would also be fitting as a December 1st post so there’s that, too.

Sooooo I Googled Myself

Not out of any narcissistic need to find myself…

I was just curious to see what others HONORED to bear my name have done with their lives!! (In case you’re new here….this is me being overdramatic for no reason)

Anybut, I learned a lot. I MAY just be the least successful person with my name. I saw 2 doctors, a few nurses, a graphic designer, a real estate agent, and a few others who still came up in the search before me.

The most interesting thing, though? 2 of them lived in Indiana, 2 of them are from Illinois (one of whom was born and raised in Chicago where one of my closest friends was also born and raised), and another was from Arizona. I don’t remember where any others were from cause I wasn’t clicking on their information. I’d read the google search results and move on.

I mean, so many of me living so close together and we never bumped into each other……

OH WAIT!!! That’s a lie! I did meet someone with my name when I worked at Barnes & Noble. Not making this up. I literally met a woman with my name who was a teacher and had our Educator’s card (or was it just the Membership card?) AND was a regular….

But I never had the courage to tell her that we had the same name…I thought that was weird and didn’t want to freak her out…..at least freak her out more than me staring at her trying to transmit the information using our same name connection…….that’s a thing, right?

Fun fact: She looked nothing like me. Good for her.