It has been [insert number of days] since my last post….yes leaving the brackets is intentional.
SOOOOO….here are some random updates:
1. My work (theater) is gone until next year. Expected, but still a bummer.
2. Hair update (ignore the random redness on my chest…I was in the sun too long and because I’m sooo damn pale…I ACTUALLY got a small sunburn…yes, really):
I was able to go in to get my hair done. Didn’t schedule a next appointment cuz who knows what’s going to happen in 8 weeks (which is my usual time between appointments). Everyone was very on the up and up with masks and social distancing.
3. I have BIG news coming soon…very soon…SO if you don’t follow me on Twitter…you should. Or else you won’t hear my big news. You can follow me @J_A_Ludwig
4. I used my $1200 stimulus check to buy me a new Switch and finally jumped on the Animal Crossing New Horizons bandwagon. My island isn’t ready for visitors yet, but maybe once it is I’ll show some pics.
That’s about it for updates…yes really. Hopefully in the next few days, I’ll be doing some more stuff. We shall see.
What does it say about me that I have a much larger panic attack when someone asks me to make a decision versus someone giving me constructive criticism?
I mean, the latter is literally someone taking something I’ve been working on for almost 10 years and giving it the middle school english teacher treatment…you know…the red pen of editing death!
Overdramatic, I know.
HOWEVER! That doesn’t send the shock of terror and embarrassment up my spine as much as someone asking for my opinion and to make a decision.
WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT IS THIS ODDITY?!
Anybut…I’m procrastinating right now.
………..After procrastinating from the site for 2 weeks…gow, my procrastination needs a little work.
I am a millennial. I am a connoisseur of the social medias.
But I am awful at communication. Having conversations with people gives me panic attacks.
I literally won’t respond to someone after a few minutes pass because I feel like it’s been too long and if I respond then it will be annoying to the other person and I don’t want to bother them.
HOWEVER! I get upset when things I post on the social medias get no responses.
HYPOCRISY! I KNOW!
I understand those who are successful are that way because they build communities and that requires being responsive to said community.
But at the same time that also leads to communities being overly close to the person they follow without ever truly knowing them. This is what leads to the toxic communities that feel the need to defend the one they’re fans of from others in (sometimes) very dangerous ways.
But maybe I’m overthinking everything….like I always do…
Anybut, that’s my hypocrisy with social media…specifically my own.
Purple is getting a bit washed out, but still fairly strong. Grew a little over 1”, so chugging along.
See you in about a month!
I’ve always been bad at keeping up with things. I’d hoped this site would be different. But once again I’ve proven that I can’t be consistent.
Does this mean I’m giving up on this blog?
I was able to post something every day for 138 days last year. Can I ever accomplish such a feat AGAIN?!
But not right now. With everything going on in the world, in my life, and just overall…I really had nothing to post.
Some people are finding this troubling time is making it easier for them to be productive/able to do things they normally wouldn’t have time for…
Honestly, good for them. I’m glad so many unique things are happening for others.
For me…this whole thing has made me realize my own fears. My fears of being successful that prevent me from striving for more or what everyone keeps telling me I deserve. My fears of failure that prevent me from even trying new and terrifying things. My fears of imposter syndrome that convince me if I never strive for more then I can’t let people down.
I’m trapped with the person I hate in this world the most. Me. Not all of me. Just the part where all the fears live.
She’s a real bitch.
I know this is a selfish post. People are sick. People are dying. People are terrorizing each other. People are struggling through all of this with no homes. No families to help them.
And here I am. Watching it happen and not knowing what to do.
Nothing will ever be the same.
I watched it. I liked it.
It only really shocked me twice. The first time was due to footage of someone post tiger attack (not too graphic, but I mean you could pretty much see what happened).
The second time was the footage of a man who witnessed another man shoot himself in the head.
The second one was far more shocking. I actually didn’t expect it, but also DID expect it as they led up to the event.
All the twists and turns were played up a bit, but at the same time…EVERY SINGLE PERSON was shady as hell. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!
Whatever the true story (or stories) is, I did enjoy binge watching the entire series.
You ever stare at your nails and think…
Okay, folks. How are you still a thing?
Now, if you ask me what I meant by this thought I regret to inform you, I have NO IDEA.
Self Isolation Random Thought of the day
I’m an introvert.
I spend a lot of time at home. I don’t like going out, really.
But I do go out to work. To get money so I can continue to have the introvert time…
And while the joke going around is that introverts are in heaven right now…..I’m not.
Due to the nature of my (personal situation) theater work, I have difficulty finding a “real” job to cover the time I’m not working.
There was already rumblings about next season being the make it or break it season for the theater company I work for…leaning heavily on the break it.
There is a high possibility…I won’t have a theater job to come back to…
This is a hard day. Guilt. Anxiety. They’re getting bored with the quarantine and are taking it out on me.
All I can do…is distract myself during the day…for the rest of this pandemic.
But even the distractions are starting to become…less distracting.
Anybut, I just needed to get this off my chest. Sometimes writing it out…purges it from my system. At the very least, this will free me up for a couple more days.
Stay safe everyone. Talk to those you love.
And for the love of all that is still good in this world…be smart and remember we’re all in this together. One way or another.
Since we’re not allowed outside…I haven’t had my hair done in a while.
To be fair, I get my hair done every 8 weeks. But I haven’t had it done since the 18th of December. My hair stylist had a baby and I figured…I can wait a few extra weeks.
I bought some Overtone (enough to make it until my next hair appointment) and figured, I’m good.
Then the thing which shall not be named happened and now………I have a little longer to wait. I could order more Overtone…but I thought…why not track the hair growth.
So, here we go. Now keep in mind this has already been growing since December 18th.
This is just for stupid fun. Something to do so I won’t go mad and just shave all the hair off………so HERE WE GO!
Discussing things that happened…
Time to talk about 5 things that’ve happened and state my random opinion about them:
- Harvey Weinstein: The former powerhouse Hollywood producer has been sentenced to 23 years. He will of course appeal this. He will probably get less time, but 2 things to take away from this:
A) The judge that sentenced him was male. Progress.
B) He had the GALL to claim his company was a small business…
- The Bachelor: True talk: I have never watched a single episode of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. All I know is that when I saw commercials for The Bachelor finale…I literally thought they showed the same girl twice…I wish this was a joke but I had to ask someone why they only showed one girl in the commercials. I though they were showing favoritism. I was embarrassed when they told me the brunette was 2 different women. I don’t know what happened on the Finale…I just wanted to share my reaction. Although apparently a woman named Barb outshone the two girls and the bachelor (I have no idea what the people’s names are).
- POLITICS?!: Just the interesting fact that in the democratic primaries…Tulsi Gabbard keeps placing fifth or sixth in the polls…when she is the only other candidate running besides the two Bs (Biden & Bernie). Just thought it was interesting to share.
- Coronavirus: Pretty much all the shows that have live studio audiences are having to decided whether to allow audiences or not. Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, and The View are the first to stop having live audiences. I’m sure more are to follow. Also, if you haven’t seen the video of Whoopi Goldberg saying hello to all the empty chairs in the studio…get on that. I’m not going to talk about what a certain man in a position of power talked about/failed to talk about/talked about incorrectly on TV. I don’t want to talk about him. I can’t talk about him without getting emotional. I will not talk about him. And if anyone comments something even hinting at violence, name calling, or politically motivated (from BOTH sides) I will be sad…but I won’t block or remove the comment. Unless it is ACTUALLY awful.
- Italy: Okay, this could also be placed under the previous news point, but I think it deserves its own point. Have you seen the videos of isolated Italians singing to boost morale? No? You really should. It’s tragically beautiful. It’s almost reminiscent of war time. It’s how a nation should be coming together. Not blaming each other or hoarding supplies that DON’T need to be hoarded. We’re all in this nightmare together and fighting, being selfish, being bigoted, or being in denial is not worth it. WATCH THE VIDEOS. AND IF YOU DON’T FEEL SOMETHING AFTER, YOU HAVE NO HEART!!
And that was 5 random news stories.
Anybut, thank you for joining me.
These were MY opinions on each. Your opinions may be different and that’s fine. Now on to more random things!!