Monthly Archives: June 2019

Log, That's My Job

The Struggle Part 2

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You thought it was over…

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out this post first: The Struggle Part 1

I was offered to work a show I’ve already worked on at a different theater company.

The differences?

Better pay (like above minimum wage better), free housing (since I’d have to go to Utah), and working the same show 5 days a week with two performances on 2 days (in other words: 48 performances).

The struggle?

I’ve never been to Utah and if I accepted I’d have to leave, like, yesterday. Once I do a show, I tend to do my own post mortem (a term that’s not only for morticians, but also for theater folk; it’s kind of like wrapping up the show and going over what went well and what didn’t, etc.) and am already looking forward to the next show. Also, this show will be directly conflicting with the next show on my calendar…which is one that I’ve been looking forward to all year.

And MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: I will know absolutely no one. I know a lot of you are probably like, “Why is that the most important thing?” Well, if you haven’t read some of my other posts, here’s the deal: I have social anxiety. It is very difficult for me to get to know new people. The only reason it works at the theater company I work for with the constant new actors is because the basic production team stays the same and I’ve been with them for three years. So, yeah, I’ve gotten to know them to the point I’m comfortable being myself around them.

It’s this final point that’s creating the struggle. My anxiety is playing so many different scenarios through my head (most bad, a few good) and I can’t trust myself to make the decision.

Did I ultimately make a choice? Yes. Will I regret it? Yes. But at the same time, I know I made the right choice for who I am at this moment in time.

Log, THAT House

THAT House Pt. 3

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You ever have that house in your neighborhood known as the house to avoid.

For one reason or another, your parents or the local kids tell you to stay away from the house. The second neighborhood my family moved to in Indiana that house was down the road from our house in a cul-de-sac.

Why were we told to avoid it? Multiple reasons/rumors. The people who lived there were drug dealers. The parents were always gone and their kids would sooner beat the crap out of you than look at you. Those same kids were the ones who would drive up and down the road, driving their car into mailboxes or tearing up lawns just for shits and giggles.

To be honest, though…I never saw the people who lived in that house. I never saw the kids do anything. I saw the damage the next day, but never actually saw them in the act.

Anybut, I’m sure there are other reasons people tell you to stay away from THAT house in your neighborhood. But how much of it is true?

It Just Got Personal, Log, Story Time

I See You

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Story Time:

BEFORE Harry Potter and the magical wizarding world of the J. K. Rowling books, I can say with complete seriousness….

I used to believe the people in pictures could see/hear me. I still kind of (on a far smaller scale) believe this even now at 30 years old.

When I was a kid and into my teenage years, I never really had posters on my bedroom walls. There was one N*SYNC poster that I eventually did put up, but I made sure they weren’t staring at my bed. Otherwise I could never fall asleep. But I refused to put any other pictures up.

Okay, I lied. I did have other posters and pictures on my bedroom walls, BUT they were of animals…specificaly dragons….and Wyland paintings (you know, the ones with the whales) and I didn’t mind if they could hear me or see me.

ANNNNND I did have a painting by my grandmother…but that I hung in the closet. I had a weird closet that had room for a desk, but the ceiling was slanted…kind of like the little girl’s room from that Nicolas Cage Wicker Man movie….for the five of you who know what I’m talking about, high five!

I also believed the people in paintings moved when no one was looking at them. I believed that more than toys moving when no one was looking…sorry Toy Story.

So if you ever meet me and we’re in a room with pictures of people…I’ll probably act a little weird…because I don’t want the people in the pictures to tell other pictures what a weirdo I am.

ANNOUNCEMENT!!, Log

I’M BACK BABY!!!

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I warned you all there wasn’t a set release schedule.

Did I say it just to keep myself from having to commit? Yes. But work is coming and I’ll need some place to keep myself out of trouble. So here is a commitment:

From now until my next show has closed, I will post something EVERY DAY! (To actually put a date on this: From June 17th to August 31st)

I see you all with the doubt in your eyes!!! But know this! Because it will be daily…sometimes the posts may only be a sentence long, may be a short story from my childhood, or may only be a photo. And if I’m in a really good mood, maybe I’ll post more than once in a day (no promises, though). It’ll be interesting to see and interesting for me to keep to the schedule.

“Does this post count as the first day’s post?” Yes………No! It’s not cheating.

Does this challenge make up for the long hiatus I was on? No. But I once read somewhere that in order to make something into a habit you have to repeat it for three weeks. So here we go!

Log, Thinking Out Loud

30 So Far

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I have 30 years old for almost 6 months.

Here’s what’s happened so far:

My birthday weekend: I got the sickest I’ve been in YEARS. 104.6 degree fever, no energy, no appetite, etc.

April: Hurt my back during rehearsal for a show. It still aches if I sit wrong for too long and I know it probably will for a long time.

May (literally the day before I’m posting this [yesterday, from the day this is published, but since some people may read this later I can’t really say yesterday]): My tooth chips, bringing a recurring nightmare to life for me.

(What nightmare you may ask? A recurring nightmare where I grind my teeth until they’re nothing left but little pieces of enamel  rattling around in my mouth.)

Also in May: A rock hit a window in my house and cracked it. My car battery died and I had to call AAA to start it so I could drive it to a Bridgestone because I live too far away from a Volkswagen dealer. So not only did I have to call someone on the phone, I had to call three people. Someone to fix the window, AAA, and someone at Bridgestone to make sure they could take my car. My anxiety was overworked in May (and now I have to go to the dentist…….>deep inhale and exhale<)

Many other things happened, but I can’t remember them right now…….I’m sure more is to come, but so far…..30 has been a rough year.