There are no clocks in Las Vegas Casinos.
Also no windows (or at least, extremely few windows). They don’t want people to realize they’ve been gambling their money away all day and night.
Ok, harsh. They actually just want you to lose track of time cause you’re more likely to keep gambling if you don’t know how long you’ve been sitting at the same machine, table, or whatever.
Is it unusual…
Is it unusual that I hate promoting myself? Ir at least, the stuff I do?
I mean, occasionally I do…like on Twitter, but god if I don’t feel guilty about it. I mean I mentioned in other posts how I have a blog (this one you’re reading, in case you were thinking, “What? ANOTHER blog? Where is it?”) , 2 (COUNT EM 2!!!) YouTube channels, 2 Instagram accounts (one for me and one for my cats [which I also have 2 of, seems to be my favorite number…not really]), and a web serial I’ve been working on since…2014? Yeah, 2014.
What’s a web serial, you (didn’t) ask? It’s basically a story published online that updates chapters (depending on the author) every day, every other day, every week, every month, etc.
Anybut, point is, I don’t really care about strangers finding the things I do online, but when I imagine my friends or family stumbling on them…ooooooh, it makes me want to hide all of it.
I guess it’s because they know me better than strangers and their words (though far more constructively honest) cut just a little bit deeper and at the points where they’ll do the most damage. (At least, in my mind)
Maybe I’ll get over this….Maybe I never will…until then…time to move on from these posts hinting at all of the things I will never promote on here.
Going back to a previous post…
What post you ask? (WARNING: Shameless plug to other post imminent) THIS POST: Always Late
Anybut, I had this stupid idea while I was lying awake in bed last night at 3 in the morning.
I should start a podcast. I could call it Late to the Game. My friends and I could talk about the new things happening and how we’re Late to the Game in joining them, using them, or whatever.
It could also be an educational podcast for others who are Late to the Game. Like my post about “Stans”. What post you may ask? (WARNING!!!: Second shameless plug to other post coming your way!) THIS POST!!!!: Stans……?
Okay, enough shameless plugs to previous posts. The bottom line is this………..I can’t call it Late to the Game. There’s already a podcast about games called that….
Ding dong dammit (I won’t link to this post, but if you’re curious try to find it yourself! Think of it as a scavenger hunt with no real payoff)
Oh well, I guess my dream of adding podcaster to my long list of things I’m branching unhealthily into.
I feel like I’m always late to the newest thing.
I didn’t have a twitter account until 2014 which was looooong after most of the planet. And even after I got one I realized none of my friends really use it anyways. They used Instagram.
So then I got an Instagram account in 2016. And that was really only to document a trip I went on. Eventually I added a second account to document my cats Lele and Midna.
I never got into Vine, but I thought, “this Tik Tok thing looks interesting.” So I got the app, but realized quickly…I was out of my league. So that went away.
I’ve been a fan of YouTube since its beginnings. I watched a lot of the old YouTubers before they became huge…then I stopped watching them once they did. But I always wanted to do it, too. So I created a book review channel back in 2014. It was really part of a New Year’s Resolution to be a little more outgoing. It makes sense if you think about it. You put yourself out in the universe for people to anonymously comment about you. I didn’t even mind the comments sayin my voice was annoying (I’ve always hated how I sounded in recordings so it wasn’t an insult really).
But that wasn’t what I really wanted to do and after one year (which was the resolution btw), I stopped uploading reviews. Maybe some day I’ll continue it, but not anytime soon.
See my favorite videos were Let’s Plays. I loved them. They reminded me of the days I’d watch my brother or my friends play games. It was nostalgic. So, I attempted to start a Let’s Play channel myself in 2015, but wussed out (slash couldn’t figure out how to do it on a Mac because almost if not all Let’s Players use PCs because they’re better for recording and games). But I finally, late as ever, swallowed my pride and started one.
This is not a promotional post for all of these things. Hence the reason I will not be including links to anything. I just wanted to spew all of this into the universe because since I’m late to all of these things…everyone who’ve benefitted from these things are either a) moving on to the next social media big thing, or b) have gotten so big they’re leaving the platforms or don’t do the content the same way.
Now I could go into a whole nother rant about content creators who change their content and become more…I don’t want to call it fake because I honestly believe it’s just become habit, but they’ve become more over the top in an unironic way. They don’t really want to be doing it anymore…they want to be actors or singers or whatever in mainstream media. But they’re afraid to lose the main source of their income in case they can’t make it up that large step. SO they don’t put as much into it as they used to. And by that I mean people who used to do all the editing themselves or writing themselves have a team now…and some creators make it work and still feel like the channel you grew to love, but others….it feels less personal and less passionate.
Sorry, I went into the rant anyways and this post was only supposed to be about how I get into popular things late and am shooting myself in the foot trying to do these things that other people have made into careers. But I know it won’t be a career. I know I won’t be popular. I know no one will watch. But I want to do it anyways. Because even if only 1 person watches and gets that nostalgic feeling that I got, it’s worth it.
Plus, I got my theater career and writing career to be unrealistic about. This is the side gig.
Almost didn’t make it.
Well, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I had indigestion, a kitten biting my feet, and nightmares.
Am I going to use these as an excuse for how late I’m writing this? Yes, but I’m not ashamed. MY RECORD IS STILL GOOD!!!
Uhhhhh…..here’s a fun fact:
Disney cast members who play characters aren’t allowed to say they play them. If they want family and friends to know who they’re going to be that day they say something like: “Make sure to say hi to my friend Belle if you’re in the park today!” or “I’ll be hanging out with my friend Mr. Incredible at Pixar Pier. Come say hi!”
I have 30 years old for almost 6 months.
Here’s what’s happened so far:
My birthday weekend: I got the sickest I’ve been in YEARS. 104.6 degree fever, no energy, no appetite, etc.
April: Hurt my back during rehearsal for a show. It still aches if I sit wrong for too long and I know it probably will for a long time.
May (literally the day before I’m posting this [yesterday, from the day this is published, but since some people may read this later I can’t really say yesterday]): My tooth chips, bringing a recurring nightmare to life for me.
(What nightmare you may ask? A recurring nightmare where I grind my teeth until they’re nothing left but little pieces of enamel rattling around in my mouth.)
Also in May: A rock hit a window in my house and cracked it. My car battery died and I had to call AAA to start it so I could drive it to a Bridgestone because I live too far away from a Volkswagen dealer. So not only did I have to call someone on the phone, I had to call three people. Someone to fix the window, AAA, and someone at Bridgestone to make sure they could take my car. My anxiety was overworked in May (and now I have to go to the dentist…….>deep inhale and exhale<)
Many other things happened, but I can’t remember them right now…….I’m sure more is to come, but so far…..30 has been a rough year.
Do your feet ever smell like popcorn?
I mean, I haven’t eaten popcorn in months nor have I stepped in any recently. After a long workday, I come home, take off my shoes, and relax only to have the odd smell of popcorn rise from my toes…
Okay, maybe a bit TMI on my smelly feet, but it only happens after really long workdays (12 hours). And YES I wash my feet, socks, and air out my shoes…
…I guess it could be worse. They could smell like fungus and then I’d have a real problem. Or does foot fungus smell like popcorn?
I’m going to be starting a new project with the theatre company I work for soon.
So what? I hear you asking. Weeeeeelllll…….One of the cast members has my last name!
So? People have the same last name all the time. There are so many people in the world of course names will repeat……
And I say….shut up. Yeah, take that.
Anybut, it isn’t just the fact he has the same last name as me, but he’s from San Diego….I was born in San Diego…..could he be a long lost family member my family cast out in shame?
Nah, he’s probably not related at all. Plus, I won’t bring it up to him if he doesn’t bring it up to me…..curse my shyness and anxiety!!!
I need to write this down.
Okay, I’m 30 years old (as of the writing of this post) and I’d like to think I’m pretty up to date on most slang (obviously NOT all).
But we need to talk about this one word: Stans.
I put off actually looking up this word because I knew it was a new word for fan (like completely substituting the word), but I didn’t understand why? Why was this word chosen to be the new word for fan?
From my understanding it’s another word for obsessed fans. Okay. Fine. But what bothers me is that apparently the origination of this word is from the Eminem song “Stan”……..
I have a problem with this. That song IS about an obsessed fan. Fair. BUT! It’s not something to be celebrated. And I know people are thinking “It’s just a word, it’s not a big deal. Don’t be overdramatic.”
Well, shoot, you’re right. I’m overreacting in my old age. (This is sarcasm, BTW)
It’s perfectly normal to idolize your heroes and celebrities. I do, too. That’s not the issue. The issue is the subject matter of the song being taken lightly or celebrated as normal. Eminem wrote that song for a specific reason, to warn against being a Stan, to warn against becoming too blinded by your idols and your love for them…to becoming too OBSESSED.
Here’s two sections from the song I think are important. The first bit is from the perspective of Stan:
“And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall
I love you Slim, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can’t sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can’t sleep and you scream about it
I hope your conscience eats at you and you can’t breathe without me”
This bit is from the perspective of Eminem:
“Before you hurt yourself, I think that you’ll be doin’ just fine
If you relax a little, I’m glad I inspire you but Stan
Why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don’t want you to do some crazy shit”
I kept out the part where Stan talks about his pregnant girlfriend in the trunk of the car and his driving while drunk. Spoilers: Stan drives the car off a bridge killing himself and his pregnant girlfriend. Why? Because Eminem didn’t give his fan enough attention. Because Stan was obsessed with Eminem.
I was in middle school when this song came out and like everyone my age, I loved this song (against my parents’ wishes of course). I was an Eminem fan. For those of you surprised by this, shame on you. I like all genres of music.
Did I truly understand what the song was about? A little, but it was the time before social media. Obsessive fans existed, but weren’t as celebrated/public as they are now. Also, I was eleven so even if I knew every word to the song, it didn’t really click in my brain the truth of it.
It wasn’t as easy to stalk your idols back then (back then? HAH). It wasn’t as easy to know every little detail about your idols.
Anybut, HERE IS THE PROBLEM!
Social media has allowed fans to get closer than ever to their idols, their heroes, or the people who inspire them. I’M NOT KNOCKING SOCIAL MEDIA…..yet. But this new idea of ravenous fans feeling…and I HATE using this word…entitled to the subject of their love is becoming dangerous.
But there have always been ravenous fans. That’s not something new. Remember Beatlemania? Boy bands during the early 2000s? Bieber Fever?
Okay, that last one is considered part of the social media machine. Also, how dare you assume I was alive during Beatlemania.
But does that excuse the behavior of those fans? No. Beatlemania was crazy, sure, but I feel like…the more accessible celebrities (and yes, I’m including social media celebrities in this, too) become the more entitlement fans feel.
Celebrating being a “Stan” is so alien to me. Mostly because it’s coming from a generation where the song wasn’t new, wasn’t popular (not to say it isn’t popular now, but it isn’t new). I don’t think they truly understand what it means, the warnings in the song.
And maybe they do! I don’t know. I know none of my close friends know the term, but they remember that song. If nothing else, they remember the music video which if you haven’t seen it…see it. It’s rough.
Okay, that’s the end of my rant. My old person rant….ha.
Do you ever hear your name and just think…ugh.
I don’t mean when people you know say your name or your family call you. I’m talking about when you hear your name on TV or maybe your favorite celebrity says your name.
Does that make sense? Am I making sense? Probably not….
I mean, personally, I kind of don’t like the sound of my name. Full or nickname. I kind of like going through life with people not saying my name. When someone calls me by my name I kind of get a little slap back to reality like “oh, yeah, that is my name”. It almost kind of resets that moment in time.
It’s not that I don’t like my name….I do….I just don’t like the sound of it. I’ll be watching videos on YouTube or binging something on Netflix/Hulu when all of the sudden someone says my name. My immediate reaction is: “Huh, that’s what it would sound like if that person was talking to me.” My second reaction is: “Ugh, those sounds are weird together.”
………….
It’s kind of how I can’t relate to characters with my name. I immediately get uncomfortable watching cause I keep cringing when other characters say the name.
Course, maybe it’s also because my name is so close sounding to other names. There’s constant confusion in the real world. At my work, there’s a guy with a French name (but he’s from Canada) and when people say it fast it sounds like my name.
I also don’t like my coworkers calling me by my full first name. It sounds so………grown up…I mean, I’m grown up, but it sounds too grown up.
LET ME STAY YOUNG DAMMIT!!!
…………………
Anybut, maybe I’m just a weirdo who doesn’t like the sound of my name. But I also like my name. Oh well.
A Joy on the Up Days...Self Control: Needs Improvement 